Class of 2012
I became sick of commencement speeches at about your age. My first
job out of college was writing speeches for the governor of Maine.
Every spring, I would offer extraordinary tidbits of wisdom to
22-year-olds—which was quite a feat given that I was 23 at the time. In
the decades since, I've spent most of my career teaching economics and
public policy. In particular, I've studied happiness and well-being,
about which we now know a great deal. And I've found that the
saccharine and over-optimistic words of the typical commencement
address hold few of the lessons young people really need to hear about
what lies ahead. Here, then, is what I wish someone had told the Class
of 1988:
1. Your time in fraternity basements was well spent.
The same goes for the time you spent
playing intramural sports, working on the school newspaper or just
hanging with friends. Research tells us that one of the most important
causal factors associated with happiness and well-being is your
meaningful connections with other human beings. Look around today.
Certainly one benchmark of your postgraduation success should be how
many of these people are still your close friends in 10 or 20 years.
2. Some of your worst days lie ahead.
Graduation is a happy day. But my job is to tell you that if you are
going to do anything worthwhile, you will face periods of grinding
self-doubt and failure. Be prepared to work through them. I'll spare
you my personal details, other than to say that one year after college
graduation I had no job, less than $500 in assets, and I was living
with an elderly retired couple. The only difference between when I
graduated and today is that now no one can afford to retire.
3. Don't make the world worse.
I know that I'm supposed to tell you to aspire to great things. But I'm
going to lower the bar here: Just don't use your prodigious talents to
mess things up. Too many smart people are doing that already. And if
you really want to cause social mayhem, it helps to have an Ivy League
degree. You are smart and motivated and creative. Everyone will tell
you that you can change the world. They are right, but remember that
"changing the world" also can include things like skirting financial
regulations and selling unhealthy foods to increasingly obese children.
I am not asking you to cure cancer. I am just asking you not to spread
it.
4. Marry someone smarter than you are.
When I was getting a Ph.D., my wife Leah had a steady income. When she
wanted to start a software company, I had a job with health benefits.
(To clarify, having a "spouse with benefits" is different from having a
"friend with benefits.") You will do better in life if you have a
second economic oar in the water. I also want to alert you to the fact
that commencement is like shooting smart fish in a barrel. The Phi Beta
Kappa members will have pink-and-blue ribbons on their gowns. The summa
cum laude graduates have their names printed in the program. Seize the
opportunity!
5. Help stop the Little League arms race.
Kids' sports are becoming ridiculously structured and competitive. What
happened to playing baseball because it's fun? We are systematically
creating races out of things that ought to be a journey. We know that
success isn't about simply running faster than everyone else in some
predetermined direction. Yet the message we are sending from birth is
that if you don't make the traveling soccer team or get into the
"right" school, then you will somehow finish life with fewer points
than everyone else. That's not right. You'll never read the following
obituary: "Bob Smith died yesterday at the age of 74. He finished life
in 186th place."
6. Read obituaries.
They are just like biographies, only shorter. They remind us that
interesting, successful people rarely lead orderly, linear lives.
7. Your parents don't want what is best for you.
They want what is good for you, which isn't always the same thing.
There is a natural instinct to protect our children from risk and
discomfort, and therefore to urge safe choices. Theodore
Roosevelt—soldier, explorer, president—once remarked, "It is hard to
fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed." Great quote, but
I am willing to bet that Teddy's mother wanted him to be a doctor or a
lawyer.
8. Don't model your life after a circus animal.
Performing animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts
or small fish for doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be
a friend, a parent, a coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your
job will you be explicitly evaluated and rewarded for your performance.
Don't let your life decisions be distorted by the fact that your boss
is the only one tossing you peanuts. If you leave a work task undone in
order to meet a friend for dinner, then you are "shirking" your work.
But it's also true that if you cancel dinner to finish your work, then
you are shirking your friendship. That's just not how we usually think
of it.
9. It's all borrowed time.
You shouldn't take anything for granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you
the "hit by a bus" rule. Would I regret spending my life this way if I
were to get hit by a bus next week or next year? And the important
corollary: Does this path lead to a life I will be happy with and proud
of in 10 or 20 years if I don't get hit by a bus.
10. Don't try to be great.
Being great involves luck and other circumstances beyond your control.
The less you think about being great, the more likely it is to happen.
And if it doesn't, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being solid.